after nearly a year in Boston, it’s time to move. again. what seemed like great spot when i came apartment hunting last summer has turned into a noisy, less-than-ideal spot. so the man and i have been searching for new digs. here are some things i want the local apartment brokers, listing agents and owners to know.

• pictures, pictures and more pictures. floor plans too. video is nice. make them big and clear and without your crappy logo splashed in the middle of them.
• the pictures MUST show a clean place. images of piles of laundry, unmade beds, dirty dishes, filthy couches or moldy bathrooms will not get a call from me.

• those pictures MUST be of the apartment being advertised. fine print saying the pictures are “similar” to the unit won’t cut it.
• why the hell would anyone need 6 pictures of the exterior of a building? think about it.

• MAKE DAMN SURE THE APARTMENT YOU’RE SHOWING ME IS STILL AVAILABLE (!!!) and it hasn’t been rented hours before i took time out of my day to meet you across town to see it and fall in love with it only to be disappointed.
• a living room cannot be “gracious” or “sparkling.” there is no such thing as “periodic details.”
• a neighborhood or building isn’t “desirable” unless i think it is. saying “you’ll love it here” isn’t required or helpful.
• know more about the neighborhood or building than you think you should. i’m going to ask a lot of questions and if you don’t have answers or a way of getting them, i’m moving on.
• square footage matters and should be included in the listing.
• craigslist is both awesome and awful. don’t rely solely on one website to market your apartments.
• i will not register on your site to view available apartments. forcing me to do so will only send me to a competitor’s no-registration-required website and i’ll probably end up hiring them.
• your version of luxury and my version of luxury are to VERY different things.
• unless you specifically mention an elevator, “penthouse” = 5th floor walk-up and will be avoided.
• i like to spend time in an apartment i’m viewing. i’m going to listen for exterior sounds and noise between units. please stop talking. i’m also going to flip on all the lights, crank up the A/C, check the water pressure, count the outlets, open the cabinets and closet doors … don’t rush me or follow me around while that’s happening.
• including your photograph in a listing makes me think bad things about you. if you insist on one, make it professional and not something taken in a dark nightclub while you were out with your friends.
• If I call or email you for more information (a) get back to be quickly with the answers to my questions and (b) don’t try to upsell me on a place that’s twice as expensive as the one I initially contacted you about.

Thanks!